I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
