i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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