I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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