It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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