I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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