And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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