I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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