New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
