I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
