why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
