I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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