that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
