he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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