you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
