Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
