I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
