i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
