turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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