god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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