I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
