I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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