Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
