guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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