He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
