i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize