Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
