if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
