I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
