So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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