I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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