I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
