Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
