I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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