My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
