I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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