Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
