we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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