Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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