well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
