we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize