My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
