three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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