I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
