the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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