is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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