I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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