I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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