Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
