He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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