My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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