Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
