Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
