apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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