bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
