I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize