Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
