dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
