Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
