my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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