He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
