also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
