maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
