either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
