Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize