i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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