Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
