Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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