I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
