She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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