my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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