dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
