yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
