Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
