i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
