i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
