My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize