I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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