I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
