yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
