Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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