so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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