WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
