Just fell off a train. Bad.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Holy shit dude........stairs
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