I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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